Getting Divorced…Now What?
If you’re going through a divorce, about to go through one, or are already legally free, my heart goes out to you. No matter the circumstances, such a huge life change can be difficult.
It’s been over seven years for me, and there are still times I find myself feeling emotional over my past. Maybe you’ve found yourself wishing you’d done things differently as well. I believed that a somewhat agreeable separation wouldn’t be too difficult at the time. I was wrong: it was one of the most challenging experiences in my life.
Whatever your situation, I empathize. Back when I was in the thick of it, I didn’t believe things would ever feel normal again. Well-meaning friends tried to convince me the heartache would heal and life would improve. In those miserable moments, however, it was tough to fathom. Many people offered my least favorite advice…the “move forward, and let it go” mantra or the “time heals all wounds” line. Time isn’t what heals. We have to choose to heal, and we have a right to heal at our own pace. There is no magic pill. Healing also happens faster with inner work, improving our thoughts, self-care, and self-love.
When it feels dark and lonely, I hope you know you’re not alone. There are people out there who care, including me. If you have faith in a higher power, that can be reassuring during difficult times. Prayer can also be soothing. Remember, a multitude of women have been in a similar or worse situation and have made it through to the other side. Also, finding support from a counselor or trusted friend is very beneficial. Try listening to an uplifting podcast or consider joining a support group.
There are some additional things I did to lessen the pain and get myself back on track. I was big on watching YouTube videos from personal development coaches, relationship specialists, and therapists. I also received life coaching sessions, which were invaluable in getting myself back to feeling confident and happy. Books that resonate with you on the topics of healing are wonderful too. Connecting with animals or pets is therapeutic. My first dog adopted right after my separation, was a great comfort to me in some of my saddest moments.
Self-care is of the utmost importance, especially during stressful times. Eating and sleeping well, nourishing your body and soul, exercising, and getting fresh air each day are key to a healthier state of being. I also journaled and kept a gratitude log.
After a partnership ends, it’s tempting to want to find comfort in another person. Dating is something you probably haven’t thought about in a long time, but may not be a healthy choice at the moment. Sometimes jumping into that arena too soon distracts from the real issues which need to be addressed, and brings more chaos. It’s not easy to make a wise choice in a partner when you’re not in a healthy or happy state of mind.
As cliche as it sounds, the key to moving forward and healing is self-love. Genuinely accepting yourself, flaws and all, and carrying inner confidence shows you value yourself. Having boundaries, standards, and self-respect will elevate your feelings of worth. Each of us is a unique creature who deserves the best in life. Above all, always know and believe that you are worthy and loved. Remember, things will get better!